Well, it happened. Its been two weeks since i spoke to my best friends. They had another argument / semi breakup revolving around my best friends crack habit, i took his girlfriends side. She ends up going back to him and he poisons her against me, and now i dont have any friends. Greaaat.
I bought some new brake calipers for the rx4 since mine were leaking, and of course the ones i bought werent the ones pictured and i end up receiving the worlds most fucked out pieces of shit that cant even be rebuilt due to the amount of internal damage inside the bore. Now i need to jump through hoops and use australian consumer law to try and get my money back.
On the plus side though, i joined a gym, i really enjoy it. Its a great feeling improving ones self.
Yeah this post is shit.
I think i have lost it – my desire to make new posts is gone i dont know what happened i just dont feel like it, so here is some basic updates.
I fixed the rx4, its running, back on its own wheels, with a working brake system, i removed the return line from the carby so now it will hold constant pressure under load – 10,000 rpm come at me bro.
Im pretty sure im in love with my best friends girlfriend. I cant tell if she is coming onto me, flirting, or just being sexy. Maybe she is just really comfortable around me, i cant tell. Either way he talks to her like an asshole and treats her like shit, but its not like i can say anything. I guess ill just keep being me until she fucks me (she wont).
Oh well, back to being a lonely cunt.
It has been a while since my last post, the acid trip was very mild and extremely enjoyable – the world felt very warm and embracing. Meanwhile i have been chatting to a hot girl on tinder and we seem to have hit it off pretty well. I also had my plans foiled when the needle and seat / float in the dethwagon decided to fuck out about 30 minutes from home, ruined a good day out and today I finally made the time to put the brake caliper back on the rx4. I expect the seals in the brake caliper to be fucked but i wont know until the brakes are bled.
Exercising and eating well has been going pretty good, the time spent doing cardio is increasing, friends have commented that im looking a bit thinner and one even told me she is really proud of me for sticking to it which made me feel awesome. I got two haircuts and im still not happy with the final outcome, my hair is stupid and my head is shit.
And that is all for today, just a quick update because its been 10 days.
I went to a party, drank/ate 30 or more jelly shots, and a random stranger just gave me an acid tab. I ate the acid tab about 15 minutes ago.
wish me luck friends.
I just did 250 pushups.
I realise now that angst, hate, fear, all those worrying emotions, things that scare you, scare you when you apply those properties to other people or scare you when applied to yourself, they are residual, it carries over. I decided to put on an album i listened to in high school, one of the few metal albums i still listen to from that time (nu-metal was big, limp bizkit was huge at the time), HOLY FUCKING SHIT, all that leftover residual teenage bullshit seemed to just empty itself from my body, it was the workout equivalent of food poisoning-shitting-mince-down-your-leg.
When i was a kid the school motto at my school was sharing is caring. I didnt get it, thought it was some bullshit the principal just made up because he was an unimaginative cunt and it rhymed. Now as an adult, i have finally realised, after 26 years, that what it means is not so straight forward. Alone ? worried ? got bullshit going on ? you think nobody gives a fucking shit ? THEN OPEN THE FUCK UP. Your friends, for all their problems, cannot help you, motivate you, push you, or even be good friends IF YOU DONT FUCKING SHARE. Share your bullshit with them, your fears, why you think you cant make it, what the fucking problem is, LET THEM THE FUCK IN. You will be suprised what can come out of it.
I have never seen myself as a mentally strong person, the slightest thing going wrong makes me want to curl up in blankets and go to sleep so i can avoid it. The only thing that has changed this recently is that i have become a more open and sharing person, the response has been amazing, i feel more alive than ever before and have people behind me pushing me towards goals that all of a sudden feel attainable.
I just finished doing 170 pushups, two weeks ago i couldnt do ONE. I get it now, i understand why people work out, im fast becoming addicted to that feeling of pushing myself, bettering myself each day. I understand now how letting people into my life can help make it better and push me to become a better and more powerful person, both mentally and physically.
FUCK YEAH ! brb going to go punch a shark in the face.
My best friend is developing a drug problem. I love smoking weed with him, sickest cunt ever, lately he has been getting on the pipe. Im not sure what to say, or what to do, i dont want to be an enabler, i dont want to lose a friend. He is self destructing and pushing away those closest to him. I spent three days this week listening to the cunt talk shit. Its bad, he stalks my facebook so that he knows when to call me; i just want to play words with friends.
I cant see things ending well.
this is a test to see if lentils bot thing is working correctly.
Its been a few days since the last update, its 1;45 am. The guy from the job interview did not call. I recently installed the tinder app on my phone, which i guess isnt going that well. I had one girl talk to me, i dont think she was interested, actually her first message made her seem like a cunt. She wasnt even good looking enough to be justifiably cunty. I still jerked off to a photo of her tits hangin out though so i got that going for me. Now dont get me wrong, im not judging her on her looks, even though i am. Im pretty fucking ugly myself, although i do have beautiful eyes and awesome hair. I guess im just mad cause i brushed my hair and got it looking perfect before taking the photo of myself that the cuntish girl looked at. I know right, total cunt.
Anyway, i dont have much to say at this hour. Seriously considering doing some sort of non masturbatory exercise.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand now i want to watch Scrubs